Welcome to my short series 5 Things I’ve Learnt in 2025. This seems like a good point to reflect on the year and see what’s gone well, what’s gone wrong, and, most importantly, what I can look forward to in the future.
Here’s the second thing I learnt:
Always trust your instincts.
I do a lot of internal monologuing (it’s much more entertaining in the movies), and a phrase that keeps coming up lately is ‘if I’m wrong, I’m wrong’. The point being that I’d rather be wrong about something and accept what comes my way than be right about a situation, not follow my instincts, and then have it get out of hand.
Trusting your instincts seems like a given. If we sense danger, we are expected to move away from it. We’re taught that as children. If something doesn’t feel right, remove yourself from the situation. However, this can be difficult as an adult. It could be that it’s a colleague or friend causing these feelings, and nobody wants to rock the boat if they don’t have to.
What I learnt this year is that not rocking the boat doesn’t matter if you’re already on a sinking ship. The shipwreck will happen either way, but you can just choose to jump off before it sinks. It’s not easy. Someone might lob an anchor over you and pin you down into place. Other people may convince you that you’re being too sensitive or dramatic. You may battle against what you know to be true because you don’t want to be seen as difficult.
For that I have a lesson within a lesson
Lesson #1: Pick and choose your battles.
Some people aren’t worth going back and forth with. I had an encounter earlier this year with someone who I was civil with for the most part. They raised their voice at me, and I calmly informed them I didn’t wish to speak to them anymore. I had felt something wasn’t quite right with this person, and their outburst confirmed my fears. Humans being who they are, the trouble didn’t stop there. This person continued to antagonise me and try to get a reaction. I didn’t give them one.
Was it hard? In some ways, yes, but in other ways, not really. My initial instinct was that this person liked attention, and if they didn’t get it, they would act out. I also got the sense they were looking for a fight, so I didn’t give them one. I’m not saying that I don’t get annoyed or want to talk back, but again, you need to know when and how to speak up. In this case, I documented everything and came prepared with facts and evidence when necessary.
And now for my lesson within a lesson within a lesson:
Lesson #2: if something or someone feels off? It’s for a reason.
This year has been a tough one for me personally. It’s what has inspired this little series. I have genuinely learnt a lot, some of which I thought I already knew! And most of it has circled back to my initial lesson.
Always trust your instincts.
No matter how small or trivial – listen to yourself. Often we dismiss our feelings. There are many instances where you have to brush things off for fear of being seen as a liability or problematic. However, if someone is cruel to you even once, that’s enough for you to walk away. If you dread being in someone’s presence, do everything you can to avoid them.
Again, I got into a similar situation earlier on this year. It was an incident two years in the making, and when I took myself back to when I first met this person, I remembered how I felt. Our first meeting was strange and unsettling, and I will never forget it because I was internally monologuing about it throughout the following weekend. I had this weird feeling that I couldn’t explain. Eventually, I dismissed it and became quite friendly with this person. I genuinely liked them!
Slowly, I began to feel this sense of dread whenever I saw them. I would ask myself, why did I feel this way? What was it about them? Yes, they were yelling at me. Yes, they were making me feel unsafe, but I still couldn’t put my finger on it. By ignoring that initial instinct, I ended up feeling like I was the problem. I’d bury my feelings. I would justify the behaviour. I even tried to smooth things out, and the penny did not drop until I witnessed them treating somebody else poorly.
It finally registered that their behaviour was unacceptable.
Lesson #4: Try to extract yourself as safely as possible
I shared some of my interactions with this person with a friend, and I remember her advice clearly: do not be alone with them. I followed it. I would leave or avoid places and keep my distance. Until one day when things escalated. What was supposed to be a brief conversation in plain view of other people quickly morphed into going into an enclosed place. Self-preservation kicked in after about a minute, and I said I was done with the conversation. Both verbally and then physically by attempting to leave. This didn’t stop the abuse, but it did allow me to put myself back in a space where there were other people around.
To this day, I tell myself I wasn’t scared, but I always believe that my instincts kicked in for a reason.
Lesson #5: Do not blame yourself
I blamed myself for a long time for not trusting my instincts after that first interaction. If only I’d stayed away from them. If only I’d taken a vow of silence. It has taken an equally long time for me to learn that… sometimes we have no choice when it comes to being around people who make us uncomfortable. If your boss gives you the creeps, you can quit. However, if you have bills to pay and family to support, you may have to find another job first. And that might mean grinning and bearing it.
That doesn’t mean you accept the behaviour or that it’s your fault.
You are not responsible for another person’s behaviour.
Lesson #6: Talk to people
If something feels off, TELL SOMEBODY. I kept a lot of what happened with this person to myself, and only through talking to trusted people did I finally realise I deserved better. It gave me the courage to stand up for myself when the time was right.
Not to plug books (and especially one I haven’t finished!) but The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker helped me in this regard. Now, if I feel like someone is off, I give them a wide berth. I am cordial if I need to be, but I do not extend myself past that.
Like I said at the start, I’m sure I’ll be wrong about people at times – but I’d rather that than ending up in a situation that I can’t get out of.
All views expressed in this content are my own. This post is intended for personal wellbeing and is not a substitute for professional medical advice. If you have concerns about your mental health or wellbeing, please seek guidance from a qualified healthcare provider.
For further reading, check out these articles/resources:
Trust Your Intuition: A Woman’s Most Useful Ally in Personal Safety, When Is It Right to Trust Your Gut Instincts?
The Benefits and Limitations of Intuition
The Art of Instinct: 9 Ways to Trust Your Gut
Purplexed Science 
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