Welcome to my short series 5 Things I’ve Learnt in 2025. This seems like a good point to reflect on the year and see what’s gone well, what’s gone wrong, and, most importantly, what I can look forward to in the future.

Here’s the first thing I learnt:

It’s okay to stand up for yourself.

Last year, I addressed my people-pleasing and learnt how to say no. Before, I was the worst kind of textbook people pleaser. I would regularly find myself doing things for people or putting up with poor treatment simply because I didn’t want to upset anyone.

It turns out that when you stop people pleasing, you’ve got to back it up with self advocacy.

It can be difficult to stand up for yourself in certain situations – with your boss, friends or even family. Especially if you’re an introvert like me. Silence is my superpower (sometimes). I became used to staying quiet when people steamrolled over me. I didn’t necessarily acquiesce to demanding behaviour, but silence is not the same as enforcing boundaries. Silence doesn’t tell the other person not to commit the offensive act again.

Silence can be dangerous and it allows ill feeling to fester. This can lead to increased stress, anxiety and burnout, especially in a work dynamic. Yet, many people are afraid to speak up for themselves. They fear more bad treatment, retribution and ostracism. And these things can and will happen.

To use myself as an example, after a years of silence, something ignited in me this year. I started off with silence. Why not? It was a safety net for me. Retreat into myself and hope the bad behaviour stops. The behaviour didn’t stop, in fact, it escalated beyond what I thought was possible.

In that moment, words somebody said echoed in my mind – tell them to stop.

I was torn between essentially allowing the situation to get worse, or speaking up. For the first time, I chose the latter. I won’t lie, I agonised over it. I had sleepless nights. I had days where I wish I hadn’t said anything but… ultimately, I do not regret it.

The upsides are better than the downsides (in the long run). Standing up for yourself not only feels good, but it inspires other people to do the same. Together, you and your colleagues, friends, family, etc, can bring about change in unhealthy dynamics. I have seen this work in action and it’s pretty amazing.

One thing I will note is that standing up for yourself won’t necessarily change other people’s behaviour but it is an opportunity for personal growth. The person I stood up against continued with their bad behaviour, and I also had to deal with someone joining in. Instead of lashing out, I’ve tapped into my emotional intelligence. This involves sharing how I’m feeling with a trusted person, or writing it down for some much needed clarity. It also involves informing the relevant people what’s going on, why I think it’s unacceptable and what action I feel should be taken.

Most importantly, it involves holding people accountable.

I’m human, and I do have moments where I’m concerned about being well regarded. We have a tendency to stay quiet because we want to be seen as compliant, and non-disruptive. Especially if you’re a particular gender, or race – it can be extremely difficult to speak up if you feel you’re already at a disadvantage.

This year I found myself asking am I interested in being liked by this person? Or people who are mistreating me, and anyone who is more interested in covering up that behaviour than resolving it. The answer was a resounding no.

One last point I’d like to make is how to stand up for yourself. For me, it wasn’t about what I said or did. It was about knowing what I was worth. I had to believe that I deserve to be treated kindly and when I didn’t believe it, I told myself over and over again.

Further links:
How to Stand Up for Yourself
Standing Up for Yourself at Work